Jul 18, 2013
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Thursday is the new Friday

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It’s Thursday. Time to get wasted after work with your coworkers. Being productive on Fridays is for losers and brown nosers anyway. Here is a breakdown of how your evening should go:

Start at a local bar for happy hour with 3 beers. We chose Blue Moon. At 164 calories each you rack up nearly 500 calories in the first hour. The buzz is kicking in, you feel great. Alcohol is a wonderful invention.

The drunk munchies start clawing your stomach. The beer was like an appetizer that makes you want more appetizers. Luckily, the bar menu is full of all sorts of the most appetizing food. A waiter walks by with plate of steak nachos. The melted cheese seductively drips from a chip. The aroma of grilled meat fills the air and you begin to salivate. They’re beckoning you to pay for their services. You cannot resist such provocative sensations and order the 1,500 calorie dish to split wit a coworker.

Not wanting to miss out on the incredible happy hour price of $4 beers, you drink 2 more while eating your nachos. Happy hours ends and the fascist tyrant of a bar tender starts charging you $7 for each drink. What a jerk. Time to switch to something that is more bang for your buck. A long island iced tea should do the trick. Finish the drink and your lame coworkers want to go home. You’re still hungry because your wussy coworker wanted to split the nachos instead of getting his own. Luckily, there is a Jack in the Box on the way home.¬†Curly fries are in your future…with some buttermilk house dipping sauce.

Blue Moon x 5 = 820 calories

Half plate of Steack Nachos = 750 calories

Long Island Iced Tea = 400 calories

Large Seasoned Curly Fries = 534 calories

Buttermilk House Dipping Sauce = 130 calories


You’ve consumed more in a few hours than what most consume in an entire day. Mission successful.

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I'm a fat kid in a skinny kid's body.

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